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Jade & David's story: "Nancy was incredibly informative, yet beautifully restrained in how much she told me.”
Jade Wendt, 45, had just finished supporting her mum through breast cancer when she was diagnosed herself.
Four months later, her husband David, 44, “stole her limelight” when he was diagnosed with renal cancer while she was midway through her third round of chemotherapy.
But while Jade was supported by McGrath Cancer Care Nurse, Nancy Scott, David didn’t have the experience of specialised cancer nursing care.
“Cancer and scary are two peas in a pod. They’re salt and pepper. I don’t think you can receive a cancer diagnosis and not feel scared”
- Jade
Jade’s story
Jade was on holidays with her family when she received the call that changed their lives forever. Her most recent mammogram had shown a mass in her breast – cancer.
“In that moment, I just spiralled. My head went into a spin, and I hid the tears behind my glasses.” She said nothing to her David, or to the couple’s young sons Thomas and Oliver. “I think I was in a state of shock. I was just petrified that I wasn’t going to watch my boys grow into men.
Not long after, she received a phone call from her McGrath Cancer Care Nurse, Nancy.
“That conversation just felt so natural,” says Jade. “Nancy was incredibly informative, yet beautifully restrained in how much she told me. She painted a picture of what was ahead. I naively thought that my treatment plan would be the same as my mum’s. I proudly told Nancy that I had already organised to take Term 1 off work. And she said ‘Jade, I’m sorry but you’ll take the rest of the year off and then we will discuss what the following year will look like. And she was right, because I had two years off work with treatment and reconstructive surgery.”
David’s story
About four months after Jade had been diagnosed, David was given his own cancer diagnosis. After experiencing stomach issues and trouble sleeping, David went to his GP thinking his symptoms were stress related. His GP instead sent him for scans. The result: stage 2 renal cancer on his kidney.
“It felt like a kick in the guts. It rocked us because the time Jade was in the middle of chemo.” – David
Fortunately, David’s treatment only required surgery, where part of his kidney was removed. However, the operation meant he was bedridden for eight weeks before being allowed to go back to work.
“Jade and I are a very glass-half-full kind of family, and seeing what Jade was going through, I was like, ‘if it is stage 2, then I’m just going to have beat it like she has,” he says.
Talking to teenage boys about cancer
Jade and David were open and honest with their sons, who were 12 and 14 – old enough to know what a cancer diagnosis meant.
“We hated what it did to our boys, their most loved ones being diagnosed with the Big C,” says Jade.
“Our youngest son, Thomas, he's that real wear-your-heart-on-your-sleeve kind of kid’. A real deep thinker. When we had our conversation, we were having a lovely hug, and I said to him, ‘mate, I don't want you to worry’. And he pulled out of that hug and said, ‘mum, you don't get to tell me you've got cancer. And then not to worry in the same sentence. That's not how this works’.”
“I think that’s where Nancy showed that she wasn’t just there for me, but my whole family,” says Jade. “She knew the boys had experienced three family diagnoses in a span of ten months which is a lot for anyone, let alone teenage boys. She offered the boys access to different support networks for children navigating life with parents who have cancer.
Navigating cancer with care
While Nancy was able to support David through Jade’s cancer experience, he didn’t have a specialist cancer nurse throughout his own treatment.
“I did have health professionals in the sense of my GP and my surgeon, but not in the same sense as a McGrath Cancer Care Nurse. I think it would have been different if Jade wasn’t going through what she was going through,” he says. “I was lucky because Nancy was always there for a chat. I didn’t overstep the mark and talk about my kidney too much, but she made me feel heard and supported.
“That’s one of the really great things about McGrath Cancer Care Nurses, they’re not just there to only support the person going through cancer. They’re there to support the people around them as well.”
“Having a McGrath Cancer Care Nurse allows you to feel like you’re not navigating cancer alone,” adds Jade. We were blessed with endless love and support from our beautiful family and incredible village, but Nancy’s expert medical mind helped us really understand what was ahead of us. Our conversations were always so informative yet managed to feel informal and relaxed. She gave us time to unpack it all at our pace.”
Nancy on providing life-changing care
Nancy, who has been a McGrath Cancer Care nurse since 2009, had her first conversation with Jade shortly after her diagnosis.
“I got Jade’s referral from her oncologist, and it was at that terrible time of the year where a lot of health services were shutting down for Christmas,” Nancy recalls. “I wanted to give her information and education as soon as possible so she was educated on what was happening. And of course, David came along to that. He was such a great support for Jade.”
By the time of David’s diagnosis, Nancy says that she and David had already built up a rapport.
“I remember when Jade told me that that David had been diagnosed with renal cancer. It was like their whole world falling apart – first grandma, then mum and now dad. And it could have pushed them over the top.”
- Nancy
While Nancy says she doesn’t feel she did a lot of support David, compared to the care she was able to provide, she says, “I was able to direct him to where he could get information and support, but also just listen to him – and sometimes that’s all you need. You don’t need to have the answer – you just need to be an active listener,” she says.
It’s something Nancy says she’s thought about a lot. As part of her role as a McGrath Cancer Care Nurse, she works as part of her patient’s multidisciplinary teams to coordinate appointments and treatment plans. It’s a lot to navigate for people doing it without the care of a McGrath Cancer Care Nurse.
“I used to think, ‘I know we’re doing it for breast cancer, but who is navigating all that for other types of cancers? Now we’re able to give credible, equitable care for people going through all cancers.”
Nancy on being a McGrath Cancer Care Nurse
“It’s really humbling to be able to help someone in their time of need, and to get to know them and be able to support them every way you can, whether that’s practical, or providing resources and education or emotionally. I think it eases their anxieties greatly, which is a massive thing,” says Nancy.
“I’ve had so many people say, ‘I’m glad I came, I feel so much more knowledgeable about what’s happening.
“I like to empower people to make these choices by giving them the knowledge to make informed, educated decisions about their own care. Cancer takes away a lot of control, but making people empowered to make decisions gives that control back.”
Care changes lives and so can you. Make a tax-deductible donation before 30 June to help provide the care of a McGrath Cancer Care Nurse to more families like Jade and David’s.
Vanessa Kostrz was diagnosed with breast cancer just 18 months after an anal cancer diagnosis. With back-to-back cancers, she knows the difference a McGrath Cancer Care Nurse makes.
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